Allure

I have to say, I'm a sucker for magazines. And not those esteemed publications either like The Economist or whatnot. I'm a sucker for all things Elle and Glamour and InStyle and Allure and so on and so forth. I cannot resist the glossiness and the recycled beauty advice and the clothes, those beautiful clothes, and the stunning people.

I have been reading Allure religiously for the past nine years. Yes, I am a loser. Yes I am shallow and superficial and narcissistic and far too obsessed with beauty to ever dig deep into any particular worthwhile academic discipline, career-path or worthy cause.

Recently, however, I have been eschewing certain aspects of beauty magazines. As I mentioned earlier, it's all recycled and I'd noted that early on but chose to keep turning a blind eye for the best part of nine years. So, I ultimately decided that since most of this advice seems arbitrary and somewhat common knowledge, I'll give you my own version of advice that you may choose to follow or ignore, the results of which are dubious at best but ultimately, I pretty much practice what I preach and it all worked for me so here goes..

June's List of Tips

1. Skin is important but easy to deal with. Wash twice a day with any old soap you have in the bathroom. Trust me, it doesn't matter. Lotions and potions don't work and nothing beats the feeling of a very clean face. And if you find your face isn't as clear as you'd like it to be, reconsider your diet.

2. When it comes to hair, I am a firm believer that it should really be as natural and unstructured as possible. You have curls? Work them. Afraid of frizz? Don't be. Use your conditioner, wash it every day (that shit about it being bad for your hair is just that, shit). And the only men who preferred my hair straightened to within an inch of its life are the type of men I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Wavy hair signifies sex-kitten. What could be better than that?

3. I have tried every moisturiser available in London (probably) and the best by far has always been Johnson's Dreamy Skin Body Lotion which smells sweet, edible and not moisturisery at all.

4. Mix it up a bit. Wear something masculine and utilitarian with girly accessories like big earrings or bangles. Wear a jersey dress with knee high clomp-clomp boots. And to hell with what's in the magazines. If you like it honey, get it. Also it doesn't really matter what you wear, it's how you wear it. Find a statement something per season and work it. I am currently loving tough-as-nails fingerless gloves.

5. It's never a bad idea to wear a dress. I have more dresses in my wardrobe than anything else and they're what get me compliments. Also, boys do like a nice dress.

6. Nail polish must only be iridescent and nude or any shade of red. Anything else is just ridiculous.

7. Every girl needs a pair of killer heels but they're not the be-all or end-all of footwear. Contrary to Sex and the City and their superimposed versions of "what is universally hot", if you walk tall in a pair of flats, if you see art in a pair of old sneakers then dammit, you'll look good.

8. A thin line of blue eyeliner drawn on your lower lashline looks good. It sounds odd but it really isn't if done well and worn with bravado.

9. Be happy. That skip in your step is huge in determining how attractive you are to the world. Happy girls stay happy. Miserable bitches will always be miserable. I see a lot of conventionally beautiful women with mean faces that put me off. Oh and girls (in Bahrain in particular), for fuck's sake, smile. Be nice. The attitude isn't sexy at all.

10. And finally, be good at something. One thing. Whatever it is, be very very good at it. Maybe you excel at your job, maybe your people skills are honed to perfection, maybe you can run really really fast, maybe you're a keen mathematician. It doesn't matter. Competence is sexy as hell. But make sure you couple it with nonchalance and a sense of humour otherwise you might as well be yet another arrogant twat, at which point I will turn around and say to you, "Honey, whatever you can do, someone out there can do it a million times better."

So there you have it. Tips that may or may not do much for you at all. I don't proclaim to be a great beauty or anything of the sort but some of the things here do make me feel better about myself and that, my friends, is what allure is all about.