Another list

So yep, I have had a mental past few weeks, richocheting between wildly optimistic, insanely happy and clinically depressed. Life's a bit shit innit but we all plod along like hopeful puppies, thinking that maybe a biscuit is just around the corner.

I want to write about frivolity and stupidity and not address any major issues that have been plaguing my life and my head. And so I will. Welcome to:

June's List of Top Ten Unconventionally Good-Looking Guys (in no particular order)

1. Mickey Rourke



Maybe it's just a resurgence, maybe it's the new movie that's out that I have only managed to watch snippets from but christ he's hot. He was hot from the second he played Harry Angel in Angel Heart and had blood-spattered sex with Lisa Bonet. He was hot strolling casually, moodily down the streets of New Orleans and everything about him, from his seemingly corrupted soul in that movie to his ability to hold his own opposite Robert DeNiro is just sexy. Also, Mickey Rourke looks seedy and frankly, that seediness is something else.

2. Valery Nikolaev


Aka the bad guy "Ilya Tretiak" from The Saint. Everything about that movie kicked serious ass. Everything about this bad boy makes me think I want a Russian mobster who prances around with a cane and has long wavy hair. One particular scene where he is dancing with a Russian mademoiselle in some odd Russian cabaret-style club is probably a favourite. She is clearly taller than him yet he dances and sways her like a demon (for the two seconds that are shown anyway). Yum. Later on in the movie his face gets burned and he goes, "Look at me. I'm a damned devil." That is just so hot.

3. Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords


Whereas Brett is the obviously hot one on the show, it's Jemaine who pulls it all off. He dresses in those vintage threads and is unabashedly monotonous and hilarious. What's hotter than a man who can make you laugh? Seriously?

4. Alex from Prison Break


Yes I know. Wentworth Miller is the obvious piece of hotness on that show but this is an unconventional list and so I think Alex should get the recognition he so rightfully deserves. He is every bit as intense and intelligent as Michael Scofield without that whiny morality that gets on your nerves. He's in love with his wife, he's vengeful, he's hardcore and he can kill a man with his bare hands, easily. It really doesn't get any better than that.

5. Nicolas Sarkozy


Hell-oo Monsieur le President! My mum believes him to be some sort of sexual deviant based on practically nothing. I say anyone who manages to marry Carla Bruni is definitely sure to have a few tricks up his sleeve. You can't pin down a woman like Carla without being really good in bed. Oh wait. She gets to chill out in the Elysee. And be Madame Sarkozy. And be married to the president of a sexy country. Yeah I suppose that's enough to pin anyone down.

6. Dylan Moran


Irish comedian extraordinaire, he is the right side of scruffy and side-clutchingly funny. He's been in Black Books where he plays a surly, pessimistic bookshop owner and has had a few stand-up shows. His humour is dry and sarcastic and a little bit angry. But really, it's his voice. Oh that voice. The Irish accent kills it every time and the combination of cigarettes and alcohol gives it that depth that only a lucky few are naturally blessed with. Talk to me, talk to me Dylan. All jokes aside, Dylan, you're hot.

7. Jesus Christ


Our Lord and Saviour is not a bad looking bloke. Actually, I think it was part of the charm and a huge proponent of His popularity that He was so handsome. I am in love with Jesus, I always have been. Especially in Passion of the Christ. And this is yet another classic example of my intrinsic inability to distinguish between fact and fiction.

8. Val Kilmer


Yes in my head he is unconventional because ask anyone in the world as to whether they think he's hot stuff and 9 times out of 10 they'll be like, "Eeuw." Little do they know Val is far from eeuw and back in his heyday, back in the time of Batman Forever, The Saint, The Ghost and the Darkness and The Doors, Val was some kinda god. To me anyway. Val had it all without being too obvious about it and he managed to convince me 100% that he was all of those characters and then some. Val made me have dreams about him and made me write "June Kilmer" on the back of all my exercise jotters (notebooks for those of you with an American education). Val had me insanely jealous of Cindy Crawford and wishing I'd had children with him instead. Val had me abandon all hope and reason. I think I'll be addressing this obsession in another post actually.

9. Jean Reno


He's French, he looks a little like a hotter, kinder version of my father, and he manages to be both deadly serious and funny at the same time. Yep, without getting too Freudian about it, he's very hot.

10. Shane Warne


The Wonder from Down Under. A cricketer known for his philandering and thus introduced to me through the incredible medium of Kath & Kim. He's a serial cheat and sleazy as they come but had actually agreed to be on the show and be poked fun at which I love. We all make mistakes hey. What's more endearing than a man who is willing to have his' brought up repeatedly on national television? Not much I tell you.