What's the opposite of lucid?

I was going to start this blog off by apologising for my lack of posting but I changed my mind.

There is something so brazen about London's audacity in the wee hours. Early morning, the sun isn't even out yet, the cars are whizzing by, the buses are all operating, people are out, in the dark, jogging, going to work, doing god knows what. London flips the bird to the world and doesn't give a shit about things that normal people need to survive, like sunlight and warmth. London does its own thang.

There is something so brazen and audacious about me here. I am very unkempt yet have no hesitation in going out to the shops to buy a pack of Marlboro Lights (20s) and smoking them in the confines of my minuscule room. Back home, I would have to think long and hard before trekking out in an oversized Qantas t-shirt, frayed jeans and a pair of Uggs. Back home, my only excuse for this ensemble would be a visit to the hospital, if I personally were dying. Still, I feel better. I feel prettier here than I ever did in Bahrain. Wilder abandon, recklessness, stupidity, call it what you want. Here I am the mess that I really am. And the outside reflects the inside.

The papers in my room had a party last night. I only know this because I walked into my room and they were everywhere, littered about, lying on the floor, passed out, clearly hungover from last night's fiasco. I could swear there were a couple of empty bottles of vodka hidden under the bed but I can't be arsed to check. The litigation twins (civil and criminal) had a bit too much fun methinks and were getting it on with insolvency. Sluts.

I'm jazzed up on my old friends caffeine and nicotine. My filthy lifestyle of the past is back and you know what? In the wise words of Mr. McDonald: I'm lovin' it. No I don't fucking want to give up smoking, Red Bull, coffee, or salt 'n' vinegar Walkers. Yes I want to ingest crap that is bad for me and see how long I can sustain it. Jesus, I'm only 25. If I cannot abuse my insides now, when can I?

Today will be a long day of criminal litigation, a paper worth jack shit really but it has to be done. If I just barely pass this, all will be fine. Then I can concentrate on other things. Like making sure the rest of my life is in working order.

Here's the sunrise at 7.30 am. I'm off to shower and try and look presentable enough to face the outside world. Later lovelies.