Last night's conversations as the tipple flowed like tipple and the cigarettes were chained. I was out with my friends, 1 girl (R) and two gay boys (H and L) checking out dingy Freud then meandering the streets of Soho.
#1 - On sexuality
H: R wants to know if you've ever done anal.
(Much squealing from R)
Me: Haha! Err no. God I don't know how you guys do it. It must hurt like hell.
R: H is a giver not a taker. And L has never slept with a man.
Me: Honey, where I come from, you both wouldn't be considered gay.
#2 - On measurements
(Flipping through a gay magazine in a gay club)
H: Oh my god! This guy is supposed to be 10.5 inches!
(We all stare at the picture of the penis)
Me: That's not 10.5 definitely. It's too small.
R: My boyfriend's about 7 to 8 inches.
Me: Did you measure it?
R: No but I know the size of my own hand (making a fist)
Me: Ah yes... (pause) One potato, two potato...
#3 - On flirtation
(Still in the gay club)
Me: I'm not used to not being approached on a night out.
R: I know it's great isn't it?
Me: (sulk sulk)
#4 - On acronyms
(Staring at the magazine personal ads)
H: Look at him! Jesus.
Me: "Latino dream lover". Can it get any worse? What's UC?
H: Ultra large cock?
Me: That would be ULC though.
H: Ultra... Hmm
(pause while we ponder)
H: UNCUT! UNCUT!
Me: Clever boy!
#5 - On art
(We were all cleverly drawn by a street artist for a pound each, manga style)
R: L you look like a girl!
Me: R you look like Bardot!
H: June you look like you!
Me: Haha I look so manga. Look how massive my eyes are!
R: Your eyes really ARE that big.
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4 comments:
must have been a lot of fun! but in all honesty, the line that really drove me to tears of laughter was:
"Me: Honey, where I come from, you both wouldn't be considered gay."
cracking up on #3.. that's SO you! i can see your face!
hahahahhahaha @ they both wouldn't be considered gay here.. for reasons u know ;)
Ammar and Mademoiselle Louboutin, it's true! It's true! The arab world has some pretty warped views as to what's considered homosexuality.
But hey, love ain't a crime.
MSB, it does kinda suck you know.
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